1. |
Unfair
03:04
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Stare through the glazing. It’s not that engaging. Dust floats, lights glare. I think life is unfair. No one is outside except the last bus line. Asphalt sounds coarse. I wish I could skateboard. Tomorrow it’s back to doing things I have to. Wanted to stay there but life is unfair. I’m not ready for tomorrow. Today was alright. Can I just enjoy it for a little while longer?
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2. |
TL
03:54
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Laying in bed at night, listening to the raindrops outside splatter against the pane, as I hold you close to me. Don’t listen to the voices in your head if they’re saying you need to change. You should listen to the rain instead. You already fell asleep. I can tell by the way your body’s jerking. No one can explain you to me, I am learning and relearning gradually. Don’t listen to the voices in your head if they’re saying you need to change. You should listen to the rain instead. From outside, the streetlights and thunder enter in. Are you dreaming? I don’t know.
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3. |
8AM
02:22
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Sun shines on you. Falls onto the floor, and it’s 8 in the morning. Don’t move. Don’t get up. Dissolve into something more diffuse. Whisper in my ear something you think I should hear. Tell me I’m worthless and I will believe. Tell me I’m nothing but a soul slowly disappearing.
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4. |
Cloud
02:18
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My shoe scrapes the concrete floor. I wait, I’m not sure. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Inaction is a chasm. I see the clouds but I can’t get out. Chain link surrounding an abandoned shell of a building. You jumped over but I didn’t try. I’m sorry for wasting your time. The air feels still around me. I see the clouds above. Drifting by. Drifting away.
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5. |
The Way Things Turn Out
03:47
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I walk down Benevolent Street in Providence. My dad called me yesterday at work and I cried in the closet. Prick my heart with a pin. I’m deflating and everything is pointless. What’s been laid out in front of me? Sticker on the back of the truck is faded and scratched, white and blue. It says “I never leave Rhode Island.” I wish that were true. Are you proud of me for doing exactly what’s been laid out in front of me? I don’t know what to do. I’m giving in. The logical part of my brain doesn’t have anything else to say, and I’m crying thinking about the way things turn out.
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6. |
Tyler, TX
02:00
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7. |
Next Year
02:01
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If we try to learn some songs on unamplified electric guitars maybe I won’t feel so down. If we play a show or two at least we’ll have something to do. Maybe I won’t feel so down. Maybe everything will all work out. If I ever move away from Texas I could come back to visit. Maybe I won’t feel so down. Maybe everything will all work out. I don’t really know, but that’s what I’m hoping.
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8. |
Admit
02:22
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A tinny speaker and song you like. An ordinary midweek night when anything was possible. Now things are definite. Everything has a precedent. You still like that song. Still singing along. But it’s stuffed in your pocket. Don’t see it very often. Only a glimpse, what else could have been? Now things are definite. Everything has a precedent. It still makes you happy to think of that time but now you feel a twinge in the back of your mind.
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9. |
Exploded View
02:36
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Wandering vaguely through the streets, I haven’t been outside in weeks and I cannot remember what happened yesterday. Don’t even bother with asking, it doesn’t matter what I think. I don’t know why you’re nice to me, I don’t deserve it. I am a part of the problem and you probably think I hate you, but I say it’s not true. I’m just in a mood. Tomorrow I don’t know what I’m gonna think, but I’m hoping that anything will be different. Cast my imperfections in a harsh fluorescent glow. Hold them right up to my face and strangle my ego. Take me apart.
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10. |
Song 5
03:35
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Bottom bunk, 1999. Shaking fan blades try to ease my mind, but I’m spinning. I feel afraid to die in the darkness of my 11 year old existential crisis. Sodium vapor streetlights are standing alone outside. Their faint yellow rays slip in through the blinds and find me. I need my parents to hug me, but I don’t want to wake them. I think I can make it.
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11. |
Why
01:37
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No one ever tells you…
Why?
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I Wish I Could Skateboard Boston, Massachusetts
Tyler, TX / Boston, MA
iwishicouldskateboard@gmail.com
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